Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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