She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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