who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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