Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
