so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
