Screwed.edu
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My vagina just clenched in fear
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
