I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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