I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
