Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Everclear isn't food dammit
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
