I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
