All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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