we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
