he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
