operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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