hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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