JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
