you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
