Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
