i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
