What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
