at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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