saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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