??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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