Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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