Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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