The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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