you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
porn star boner night. come get it.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
