3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
