I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
