we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
