I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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