i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
