??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
