Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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