hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
