its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
After last night, I could never be a politician.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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