Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
