I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
