A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
