i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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