Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
