stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
