It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
