update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
