I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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