Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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