Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
