So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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