fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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