Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
