Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
